Always Here
by GayliensExist
Summary: Sam felt insecure as he watched Dean with Benny. He knew Dean didn't love him anymore and didn't need him in his life, especially as a brother. He had Benny for that. So what happens when he accidently almost kills himself? Would Dean get pissed or comforts him?


**Okay so here is the first one-shot ever! I'm so freaking excited! **

**Summary- Sam felt insecure as he watched Dean with Benny. He knew Dean didn't love him anymore and didn't need him in his life, especially as a brother. He had Benny for that. So what happens when he accidently almost kills himself? Would Dean get pissed or comforts him?**

**Disclaimer- I don't own SPN. SORRY! ):**

**Warning- contains self harm, insecurities, and suicidal thoughts and my baby trying to kill himself.**

_Third-person-Sam _

Sam was tired. Just so tired. He saw Dean laughing and joking with Benny and just couldn't take it anymore.

He knew when the urges came up. The urges made his arms itch and it didn't go away until he did it.

Dean didn't know. He could never know. He wouldn't care, so why would he need to know?

Sam watched them work on the new hunt and grabbed his knife before walking to the door, like usual.

"Where are you going,Sugar?" Sam turned to Benny before shrugging. "Gonna go to the library to work on the hunt and read. Bye." With that, he walked out without a coat, though it was cold, and walked to the park that was always empty at the time.

He pulled out his knife, smiling at it lovingly. It was beautiful, and his best friend. It helped him feel better, and happy inside.

The first cut was deeper, while the second one wasn't as deep. Blood trickled down his arm, and he knew it was for the best.

_One, two, three. All of them for lying to Dean. Four for being an awful brother. Five for being a burden. Six for being worthless._

By the time was done, he had six beautiful cuts bleeding on his arm. He took out the gauze and put them on his arms before rolling up his sleeves and walking slowly back to the motel.

When he got back, Dean and Benny were done.

"You okay, Sugar?" Sam shrugged and nodded. He was too tired to deal with anything. It was exhausted.

All of a sudden, the room got really dizzy, and he felt the passing out. He heard voices but all he remembered was saying "Dean, I'm feeling dizzy" in a slurred way before falling to the ground.

_Third-person-Dean_

I'll admit, I was worried about Sam.

But he hurt me, so I'm not gonna do much about it. I can't tell him that it's okay when I don't believe it myself.

Sam didn't look for me, and that hurts. I haven't fully forgiven him and though he's sad, I'm not going to force myself to talk to him much.

Benny was always up my ass for not being nice to him. Well I'm _sorry _Sam wasn't being cool and decided not to look for me while I was in purgatory and instead went after a girl. What the hell Sammy?

Anyway, when Sam said, "Dean I'm feeling dizzy", I turned to him to argue with him for wasting my time and just to "deal with it" when I saw him swaying.

I got up just in time to catch him in my arms before he passed out.

"Sammy? Sammy? SAMMY?" Benny came to me and checked his pulse. "He's alive, Dean, but has a very weak pulse." I sighed in relief before dialing 911 to get an ambulance to help Sam.

"911 what's your emergency?" "Help! My brother just passed out and has a very weak pulse!"

"Calm down sir, an ambulance is on its way."

Dean talked for a bit to the guy before hanging up.

Not even an hour later the ambulance had taken Sam and Dean drove behind them, terrified for what they were going to say.

Five hours later and three things of coffee later, Dean was still sitting in the waiting room, anxiously awaiting the news on Sammy.

"Family of Sam McCain?"

He jumped up and turned to the doctor who was walking over to him. "How is he?" he demanded when the doctor was close.

The doctor sighed. "He's stable and doing well, but. . ."

Dean stared at him, waiting for an answer. "But?"

"But. . . did you know he was cutting himself?"

Dean's whole world went upside down. His heart stopped for a second, and he felt tears fill his eyes. "What?"

"It's the reason he passed out. He had too much blood loss, and there are many scares, old and new."

A lone tear went down Dean's check. "Oh God Sammy. My poor baby." The doctor smiled at Dean. It was obvious the young man cared about his brother. "Would you like to see him? He's sleeping but it may comfort you some."

Dean nodded eagerly and walked with the doctor to Sammy's room. When he got there, he put his hand on Sam's head and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Hi kiddo. I'm so so sorry I didn't help you when you needed, Baby. You needed me and I wasn't there. I'm here now, Sammy. I always will be. Promise."

He didn't notice the doctor sneak out with a smile, loving that the kid had his big brother.

—-

When Sam woke up, he felt exhausted. His whole body hurt and he felt like rubber.

"-my? Sammy Baby? You awake?" Sam slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Dean's bleary face. "De?" He smiled softly and stoked Sam's cheek, looking lovingly at Sam. "Hi baby. I'm glad you're awake. It was getting boring with you sleeping every second of the day."

Sam tried to say "What happened", but he instead coughed in pain. Dean quickly got him water and after a few sips, he tried again. "What happened, Dean? Why am I in a hospital. You know the rules of a hunter."

Dean shook his head. "You cut too deep, Sammy. Why'd you even cut in the first place? You could have just came to me, Baby!" He kissed his head before pulling away, looking at Sam in pain. "Why'd you do that to me."

Sam looked away. "You hated me, and I couldn't do it anymore." He turned to Dean again. "I'm sorry Dean! I didn't mean to, I swear! I'm sorry to bother you!"

Dean just shook his head. "You, God this is such a chick flick, you don't bother me. It's my job to worry about you, okay? I'm sorry that I hurt you. You just made me sad when you didn't look for me."

"I did though! I did, I just didn't say anything because it was too late. You would have believed me."

Dean sighed. "That's probably true, dude. Now, can we hug and get rid of this chick flick?" He nodded and they leaned in and hugged. Dean secretly kissed his hair before letting go, squeezing his shoulder, and walked out to let the nurses know Sammy was awake.

"I'm always here, Sammy. I hope you know that." He said over his shoulder.

It was true. They'd always before there for each other. They loved each other, and they always would, no matter what.

**Sorry if they're oc!**

**I hope you enjoyed this fanfic, I worked really hard on it.**

**Love you guys! BYYYYEEEE! 3**


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